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The Simpsons Wild Ride
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Poor Krusty the Clown. He gets no respect. Almost none of the stars showed who promised to be at his opening.
It was Saturday at Universal Studios Hollywood. The premiere of ‘The Simpsons’ ride. The new $40 million motion simulator takes passengers on a virtual tour of Krusty’s new low-budget theme park Krustyland.
There was a host of “A” names on its VIP list: Paula Abdul, Lisa Kudrow, Judd Apatow, Chris Gorham, Eddie Steeples, Lucy Lawless, Kevin Smith, and Flea.
The crowd held its breath as the Simpsons-yellow carpet was rolled out, and... ?
I began to understand the chronic slump in Krusty’s shoulders.
The thing is, they really missed out. It’s a great ride. Even standing in line is fun. Where else can you see an Itchy & Scratchy safety video showing in graphic detail what happens to riders who disobey the rules?
The queue leads to a funhouse-style waiting room and then into the ride itself, a high-res dome containing several Krustymobiles, nightmarish cars with Krusty’s face leering out from the back.
You climb through a gull-wing door -- perhaps a nod to the ‘Back to the Future’ ride this one replaced -- and realize that you have been chosen, basically as a guinea pig along with Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie, for the honor of the maiden voyage of Krusty’s new “upsy-downsy, spins-aroundsy, teen-operated ride thrilltacular.”
You’re then catapulted 10 feet into the air and jostled every which way, even seemingly upside-down, through Krustyland and into Springfield as air, water, and other surprise treats spray your face.
The reason for the chaos? Krusty isn’t quite familiar with the ride himself. He unwittingly outsourced its design to his natural enemy, vengeful Sideshow Bob.
Thank goodness that was one A-lister who did show. Kelsey Grammer, who does Sideshow Bob’s voice, walked the yellow carpet along with ‘Simpsons’ creators James L. Brooks and Matt Groening.
And in some surrealistic yet bizarrely appropriate way, suddenly, there was Larry Birkhead. Standing in front of me, holding his and Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter Dannielynn, like an apparition in the mist... when a human cannonball flew overhead.
Then I got it. This was truly a circus. And all at once, I didn’t miss the “A” listers. They would never have fit in at the Krustiest Place on Earth.
